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[01 Nov 2006|01:23pm] |
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this is by far the hardest thing ive had to do. trying to get over someone i love. never i wouldve thought for it to be like this, or to end this soon. we had potential, a lot of it.
ever since ryan stailey and i broke up back in 10th grade, i always thought id never find anyone good enough after that. i assumed all guys were the same, which was overrated at the time. for the rest of my years in high school, i didnt persue dating at all. yeah here and there was flings, but that was just me trying to get over ryan. it was hard. puppy love is a bitch.
and now, after like 3 years of doubting the male gender, i found him. the guy that met my standards. the guy that found me. the guy that made me change my mind about dating. He was my turn around. and just like that, he swept me off my feet. not even a month after meeting him we were dating, and it went from there. i can honestly say i havent been this serious about anyone. i love him. i do...
back to reality. its over. im not good enough. and i cant go a damn day without crying. this is the worst feeling in the entire world, and it seems as if i were wrong to let myself loose and give into dating. because i dont think i will be doing that for a long time now, because im never getting over him, and thats that. he took my heart, and im not getting it back.
there. i had to vent. this is killing me.
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[09 Oct 2006|02:38pm] |
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kelly clarkson |
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and so it ends. i knew it : (
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| im bitching so dont tell me i didnt warn you |
[02 Oct 2006|07:57am] |
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SO basically ive had it with my life. the harder i try, the harder it gets and its not letting up. normally i would just be like, oh, its just a phase, itll pass. WELL its been like this for almost 3 weeks now and im seriously getting depressed and discouraged.
For starters, school sucks this semester. Yes, i am done by 12 or earlier everyday but all the classes except for 1 honestly suck ass, and its hard. i try to study, do homework, but it feels like im not absorbing any of it. its gay, that my money i spend on school is basically wasted.
Work, well i cant really complain too much about cvs, i like it. they give me 3 days a week (with set hours) and its never really been a problem. oh until my schedule overlaps robs. in other words, i work on his days off, and he works on mine. Its truly awful, because i honestly NEVER see him, basically once a week, and i hate it, i really do. its like i have a long distance relationship with a boy who literally lives two minutes away. its so stressful, because i need him. i need him to hold me when im freaking out about school. i need him to reassure me that ill be alright. i just hate it, it brings me to tears to think i have to have a week countdown just to see him for a couple hours. in a way i feel like our schedules are going to kill us, break us apart, but i dont want that at all. and i also feel like this just makes us stronger, but i really dont know when itll pay off.
i just need to quit life right now, i really do : (
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| its been forever! |
[04 Sep 2006|03:52pm] |
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Panic! |
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well, since its been like a month and a half, i figure i should update. not like anyone reads lj's aymore, but hey im bored.
Summer officially ended aug 30 for me, and this semester is def going to kick my ass. it wont be easy and i seriously need to buckle down and do good.
i went to msu for welcome weekend, had fun and whatnot, saw a lot of friends : )
Well, it looks like my time at the italian american club is slowly coming to an end! I got a new job at cvs (6 & haggerty) and i start this wed. Im really excited, i cant wait to have a laid back job, with set hours! for once i know when ill get off work, and i wont be there on weekends! its amazing!
Went to the tigers game this past saturday. Basically it went shitty since it was raining and freezing, and the tigers got their asses kicked. But i did have a nice dinner and saw the fireworks with rob, which made the day worth it.
speaking of rob, we are doing pretty good. he makes me ever so happy, im truly lucky to have him. Yeah we have our ups and downs, but thats what makes us stronger, right? : )
anyways, thats about it. nothing else is really going on, just school, work, boyfriend, and girlfriends. thats all i need!
k im out, im getting starbucks with my long lost kummo!!! : )
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[27 Jul 2006|04:38pm] |
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OAR |
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i deleted yesterdays entry, well because we came to an agreement, which is amazing. heres to new beginnings : )
haha my boyfriend loves to blink :P
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| im spoiled : D |
[09 Jul 2006|05:49pm] |
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Goo Goo Dolls |
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yea so my boyfriend is one amazing guy, look what he got me!
aint they puuurdy? they are my absolute favorite, and i looove them!
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[31 May 2006|10:46am] |
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so my summer has been off to a pretty decent start i must say. Drinking is officially a norm for me every weekend now, which has many pros and cons, but for right now, i love it. Heck,` i neeed it. Working stresses me out, bc seriously for 3 weekends in a row i got shafted to work doubles, which include at least 12 or so hours. So, my excuse is, i can drink alll i want, i fucking deserve it. hahaha I already have too many drunken pictures with friends its ridiculous, and i dont think thatll let up anytime soon.
olnline classes for school is a joke, minus the two massive papers i have to write, which i havent even started yet. yea, ill get on that soon i hope.
Vanita's sisters wedding is this weekend, and im totally psyched. i havent been to a wedding since i was honestly 13, so ive been looking forward to this event for quite sometime.i cant wait to dress up in my outfit...its pretty damn sexy if i do say so ; )
saw davinci code. it was long and a little confusing, but it was pretty good. Interesting to say the least, and the person i sat with made it all better : )
im hoping i get this soon, i neeed it, i dont think i wanted anything this bad before : )
aiiight thats it, ill put pics up from the wedding after i go, until then...im out
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[10 May 2006|06:17pm] |
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Taking back sunday |
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well its been like 3 weeks, so why not update on my oh so exciting life i live. mmmhmmm
so schools been out for a week, and all i can say is that ive never been so stress freee! now all im annoyed with is work, which really isnt that bad when i dont have to do school stuff.
oh, and i finally have came to the conclusion that good things come to those who wait. bc yes, its my turn to finally be happy with someone... yaaaay i think its a miracle.
ok thats about it, working all this weekend which kind of sucks, but i am getting booze from stefano, and that gives me a reason to look forward to anything...hahah
sorry its short, but im too bored to elaborate
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[27 Apr 2006|05:29pm] |
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Cascada |
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welp, the past week was pretty good actually. I went to depuis house to watch schindlers list (eww) for our polsci class, and got invited to go to the FOB concert with him for free! : ) : ) his sis couldnt put her tickets to use, so we got to go, and it was awesome. All american rejects did amazing, better than fob. overall it was a great day.
the weekend was peachy, worked saturday; stayed late and got a free centerpiece, and its puuurty. Sunday i woke up bright and early and went to rachels baptism communion and confirmation, along with aly's baptism too. then went to the house party and had subs and cake. it was a super long day if i do say so. on top of that i went to ryans house to see his kittens, and sadly, they were actually really sick! : ( two of them had eye discharge and that means nothing good. so during the week they got this eye stuff for them and its helping sooooo much! i saw my ditties today and the grey one is definately my favorite. she always wants me to hold her and i looove it! i wish my dad would just let me have her.
took two tests in school this week, did decent on them. This week coming up is our last week! wooo only one real final to worry about, which is math, and it prolly wont be that bad. then out for summer. i cannot wait at alll!!
guys are lame and so self centered right now its disgusting. im sick of being second best honestly, i hate it. i guess ill see you next fall? :(
alrighty, thats about it. i work friday and saturday..ladywoods prom and a wedddin...ohhh joyy
::shoots self in head::
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| lets act our age shall we? |
[19 Apr 2006|07:36pm] |
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 i wonder why!?! ; ) |
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television shiiit |
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alright. for those "annonymous" comments... seriously, i know who you are, you made it dead obvious. lets grow up, youre way old enough to be mature about this, but somehow you take pleasure in acting like a 15year old. How does that work out? hmm youre lame, and not worth my time, ever. thanks : )
anyways, the past few days were swell. went to msu last weekend and had a good time. now i gotta wait till next year, ohhh boy and all them are getting apartments too, i cant wait!haha
workie is gay as usual, i need to find a new one, if anyone knows of places that are hiring and pay at least 750 an hr, holler at me
ryans cat had kittens! i want one so bad, but my dad wont let me. If you guys are interested, let me or ryan know ok? IM me or something ((i blocked annonymous comments due to immature people.))they will be free, and there are 5 kittens to choose from, but youll have to wait about 7 weeks until you can take one home, but cmon a free kitty?!?! you cant pass that up!
theyre honestly the most precious babies ever, ryan and i delivered them and i seriously am in love with them! : )
schooool is almost over, im just a little frazzled with some things, but ill be ok i think. i do need 300 bucks from my parents for my spring classes though, i need to register asap!
i cant wait till summer. the beach. the playoff parties. canada. camping. all that fun stuff... and people will be home from school too. some id rather have them stay where they are though, causes tooo much drama.. yucka
alrighty, i think thats it, im sick of typing and i smell... haha
peace
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| why do i always want what i cant have? |
[09 Apr 2006|11:43am] |
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Rex Goudie |
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well nothing new has been happening. my life for right now is predictable and stressful. School ends in one month, we are done by may 5th, and in my case since i have nothing on fridays, im out the 4th. i cant believe my first year of college is over, it went by sooo incredibly fast its scary. I think im taking sping and summer classes, but only online ones. if i take those, ill be able to transfer right into business school by winter 2007! yea, its awesome, bc that means ill get outta school early!
Alright, work is driving me absolutely insane. its getting old. the management sucks. (most)the coworkers suck. the pay sucks. we dont get paid nearly as much as we deserve, and im irritated by it.
i miss people. where have you been?
oh me and vanitee are going to msu thursday, and possibly mike depuis too and whoever. gooood times are coming quick. i love it up there, its always so much fun when we go.
This week is sorta hectic though. I have to go to the doctors tomorrow, and im going to die. if you didnt know, im terrified of them, and i always cry in the parking lot before i go in. im such a baby, but i hateeee them so much, i hate being touched and poked at, its uncomfortable.lol
I also have to research and write an 8-10 speech which i have to perform thursday. Im doing it on cloning... gahhhh, bad choice, but theres a lot of info i can get.
i dunno what i want... i need someone here for me though...
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[25 Mar 2006|12:28pm] |
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Well, this is it. my new and beautiful layout : ) you likey?
soooo much stuff has been going out with me im surprised i didnt get a heart attack from all the stress ive been under. School was driving me insane, and so was work.
I have managed to do fun things, like thursday i went out to msu to visit alissa, and brought her home yesterday. we even saw Guys and Dolls at fhs, and sadly, it wasnt as good as i was expecting. yes some people were good, but overall you can see that the directing was very different from how hillman did things.
this weekend kinda sucks though, i work tonight and tomorrow, and i might even miss my shows. ill be sad if that happens.
ive been hanging out with people i havent seen in ages, and i love it, it made me realize i really do need them. but, i have been missing people i used to see all the time, like lisa, jayson, and even dave. hopefully ill get back on track with that, but hey, my lifes been hella hectic lately.
ok thats it for now i think, i dont feel like typing that much. im out yo
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[02 Mar 2006|02:22pm] |
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Be patient while i get a new layout bitches : )
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[14 Feb 2006|11:54pm] |
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alright, im in the process of getting a new layout. so im not updating until i get it alll done. k?
happy fucking vday, it was laaaaame, even if i did have stefano as my valentine : )
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[06 Feb 2006|01:59pm] |
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bloodhound gang |
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so now what happens?
lets hope it doesnt go downhill
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[01 Feb 2006|02:53pm] |
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Jacks mannequin |
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well, lots of shit has happened since the 24th, and i dont even know where to start.
School is school, im doing ok in it. i mailed in my speech with timmy, and i hope we get good grades. I did good on my first math test... 92... i wish i did better though, i studied so hard for it; always nextime.
Last weekend i went up to msu again, for the second weekend in a row. This time i drove myself up there in alissas car ((since mine wouldnt make it to lansing and home, lol)) and stayed with her to cheer her up. we ended up at her roomies bf's dorm for pre drinking, and i found a cute boy ; )
then we went to a frat and started a dance party, and then some apartment party, then back to the frat. it was one crazy night indeed. overall it was a great weekend. i missed my alissa.
umm... lets see today is officially february! woo, t-minus 17 days and counting until my bday! woooo canada bitches!
i hung out with dave today, we hung out and i made some quesadillas for us for lunch. his bday is monday too, my mommmys makin him a cake! hahah
i dont know what else to say. my life is boring so far. i need a boy i can have my way with ; )
peaceeee
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[24 Jan 2006|08:38pm] |
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the weekend was fantabulous, it went really well.
saturday was pretty good. i went back to work for like the first time in two weeks and did well. it was a big memorial, but i only ended up serving 17 people : ) got out at 530 which was amazing considering i thought id be there till 7.
after work me and vanita headed out to good ole msu to get our drink on. it was super fun, yet i cant remember alll of what happened. lol to those i called a million times, i apologize for my obnoxiousness : ) came home the next morning, took a nap, showered, then went to starbucks and helped jeff with math. came home, ate dinner, relaxed and watched my shows. lovely sunday indeed.
monday was alright, nothing too exciting. went to school, did a lot of homework, came home and took my car into the shop to get a new muffler. now that its fixed it runs like a champ, for now. lol i just want a new one though.
today was decent; school again, big surprise there. i came home around 11:15, then went to andys. hes like my best friend besides jay, i love him. he made me a grilled ham and cheese. it was pretty close to amazing. lol after i came home, did homework, and andy answered all my bus217 homework questions for me! yeaaaaa so all i did was type that shit up.
tomorrow i gotta go to class(es) come home, go to target, pick up some vhs tapes, then go to combens so we can film our speeches. AHH im so nervous, speeches arent my thing at alll. wish me luck! i gotta burn that onto the tape, thena mail it out on friday. i hope i get a 4.0 on it. ::crosses fingers::
dude, february is just around the corner! my 19th bday Babayyyyy.... whos gunna take me to canada!?! haha
valentines is creeping up too, i wish i had a valentine though.
**ive never lost so many words from kissing just one boy**
gah, i want this. i need a boyfriend. i suck at being single. any takers?
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[19 Jan 2006|01:50pm] |
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panic! at the disco |
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Alright, time has been flying by. i must update.
Feeling 110% again : ) no more sickness or anything!
I lost 4 pounds recently. From doing what? your guess is as good as mine.... i only weigh 100 now, and i think im eating more than i used to. how does that work out? hmmm so now all my jeans except one pair are baggy, so yep, i need new pants... gay!
School started this week. my classes are alright, two of them are extremely boring though. Online ones are ok for now, i just need to stay motivated. I need to figure out stuff for my speech one.
We started painting my room last sunday. Its pretty much done completely, except for one wall that needs one more coat. I cant wait till i can sleep in there again, ive slept on the floor all this week in my dining room....lol
went to lunch with andy today : ) hes goofy and i love him
Im working saturday at noon, kinda happy that i can get a saturday night : )
boys are still stupid as always, im always getting blamed.... yuck. i give up
the plymouth ice show is soon! im excited, but i get jealous when couples go together and keep eachother warm, its so darn cuute : /
i miss my friends. ive been so busy and stressed lately i havent seen some of them.
oooook. have a good weekend
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[13 Jan 2006|12:34pm] |
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James Blunt |
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hellloooooo. its time for an update. Im finally feeling 100% again. For those of you that werent aware, i was really sick like the past week. my throat hurt and had nasty spots on it, some siiick shiit. I went to the doctors thinking it was strep, since thats its major symptom, and well, i tested negative. i was freaking out because they told me i might have mono. They said if my throat was still hurting a lot on monday then i had to come in and get tests done. Miraculously, my throat felt a tiny bit better, so i avoided my evil doctor. Ever since, my throat was getting better, sooo wooo to a virus infection. yuuuck
Anyways, the week has went by super fast. School starts monday and i do not wanna go at all.I dont even know if i can get myself up this early again... ewwwy i hope i know some people in my classes, itll make it go by a tiny bit quicker.
As i said, the week went by fast. i surprisingly did a lot. Been hanging out with ryan, and thigns are good. Im hoping that this is for real going to be good. no more fighting and getting mad at eachother. He taught me how to play chess, and i hate the game. im no good at it. lol we went to lunch too with brent and andrea, it was fun.
Me and my mandy poo are re united.. lol i havent seen her in ages and it was so good to hang out with her. We went tanning, and she came with me to get my books for school. We watched movies too, our ritual.lol The day after that we went tanning and did the same thing, since i didnt wanna be home bc my dad was being an asshole.
Me and vk are whores. end of story. lol
Smoked hookah this week with jay and timmay. mmm strawberry kiwi was damn good if i do say so : )
Me lisa, katie and johnny went to starbucks last night. When we got there everyone was out of the entire building complex, and the fire alarm was going off... lol fire trucks and ambulance showed up to turn the alarm off, since there wasnt a fire whatsoever. Went inside, got our drinks, and sat around making a good bet. I cant wait till the end of the semester ; ) haha
Oh random... Sin City was a terrible movie. I didnt enjoy it at all, it was waaay gory..lol yes i know im a baby, but comon, just watching the movie was tiring. haha
NOoo work this weekend! im so happy. i told them not to schedule me this week in case i got mono, which since i dont, i have nothing to do but have fun this weekend : ) Too bad i go to school monday... gaaahhh
it was a good winter break if i do say so, and i cant wait till spring break! yay
ok, i think im done, this entry is waay loong.. later gators
ps- david is a manwhore >:0
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fhsoccergurl05's journal
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